What I Want You to Know

February 25, 2013

Posted By: Shaunescy

ISBN/EAN13: 978-0615757872 (Published by: Jar Of Moths)
ISBN-10: 0615757871
Page Count: 72
Black & White Bleed on Cream paper
Trim Size: 5″ x 8″ (12.7 x 20.32 cm)
Language: English
BISAC: Family & Relationships / Children with Special Needs

I am going to tell you a little story, I promise it has a happy ending.

This is a story about a dear friend. You see Becca is one of my oldest friends and while I usually avoid writing about personal stuff too much. This is a story that I really want to tell.

We became friends back in our rock-n-roll lifestyle days. Young artistic types, spending hours just listening to music, trying to figure out who we wanted to be despite the fact that for all intents and purposes, we were already grown-ups.

She's the kind of girl who can wear a leopard skin pillbox hat with a sense of irony and aplomb. Creative energy shoots out of her finger tips.

So we both ended up pursuing our creative paths and traveling and generally getting on with the business of becoming the people that we are, in the way that we all do. Carving your life's path is very little to do with plans and a lot more to do with the fairy dust of dreams, fate and happenstance. The everyday meditation of how you go about things. Drops of water carving boulders and all that jazz.

It seemed just perfect that we were pregnant together too. Like so many mothers, neither of us had opted for genetic screening during our pregnancies. I remember talking about it with my physician as I was on the edge of being of "advanced maternal age," But ultimately, choosing not to because knowing about an extra chromosome wasn't going to change the outcome. I was all in.

When my friend Becca had a little girl with Down Syndrome two months after I had my son, it really threw everyone into a flux-state. There was all of this love and Becca was the same person I had always known. . . but this powerful little force of nature had come to shake things up and move minds.

I felt like anything I'd say to her was inadequate. I felt guilt. And I felt like a complete ass for feeling that too. We drifted some and we began to develop our identities as mothers, which I think is normal when it feels like the ground you are standing on is shifting beneath your feet. I wanted to be there and embrace all the beauty and I wanted to acknowledge what she was going through, but didn't have words.

The book is beautifully illustrated. It is sweet and charming and very honest. I think the honesty is what really makes it wonderful. Naming real issues is powerful and transformative. Putting the right words out there tames the fear and the unknown and changes it into real, tangible and accessible bite sized chunks. That is magic.

As Becca and I gained skills and perspective as mommies, we came back together. Presley is smart and funny and fun to play with and strong - if not a little stubborn now at age 6.

I've learned not to be a distant friend, who doesn't know what to ask or say. Sure she needed space to figure out the logistics and identity of parenting a special needs child. But she also needs to have a glass of wine with her friends every now and again.

What I wanted to say all those years ago when I didn't have the words was this. You are going to have many sunny times laughing with her utter guilelessness. You are going to grow as parents. You are going to grow as people. You are blessed and lucky.

Her wonderful book says just that.


The book is available for purchase online. To read more about R.A. Hudson or to buy this book, click HERE .

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