What am I Striving for as a Parent?
February 20, 2014
Posted By: Shaunescy
I read a lot of mommy-blogs. No surprise, there. And I am always really drawn to the ones that have some heart or mirror a message that I am trying to share and learn for myself.
This is a link to a blog that talks about all the "shoulds" that we pile on ourselves, parental guilt, when we really just need to be the parent that we are. It is a really good piece. But, I keep thinking about something that she wrote. It was her jumping off place for her blog and one of her assertions keeps clanging around in my head.
"You know , says the voice in my head.. .
You should stop telling her about how tired you are – it’s teaching her to put others needs ahead of her own."
Dang. That is a hard feeling. I know that our self talk is sometimes a bit crazy especially, when we're in that survivor-mode of sleep deprivation. And of course when a kid can't sleep, telling them that you are tired is not always effective. That isn't what I am stuck on. It is her initial supposition that has my attention.
I keep thinking about the underlying message of what we are teaching our kids about the world and their place in it. And I am not the most evolved person on the planet, but it never would even occur to me that I was damaging my kid by expressing that I was tired. Or that by expressing that my needs or the needs of others should be considered, would be a negative to teach. Hmmn. . .
Now don't get me wrong. My kids are my number one priority. They outrank everyone else in the world for me. But a big part of making the world a good place is being on the team. But, I have bold kids. They are not shy about expressing their needs and wishes and they out-number me. So it might just be that my more constant struggle is impressing upon them the ways that they are part of a community - in an age appropriate way of course.
Yes, they are little and they depend on me for comfort, love, food, clothing, health, transportation, entertainment, et cetera, ad infinitum. And they get all of that but, Mom gets to sit down, too.
When they were babies, I would drive myself a little frantic. A friend pointed out the airplane emergency scenario. You have to put on your own oxygen mask before you put one on your kids. That is a very extreme example. And as a mom, I know that there are many times when that doesn't ring 100% true either.
The one parental should that I think we all must aspire to is balance. Actively practicing behaviors that exhibit our values, while maintaining our humanity and sense of humor.
noun: balance ; plural noun: balances
an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.
All my best, BunnyFufu ~ The Housewife