The Healing Effects of Time
November 21, 2012
Posted By: Shaunescy
It's no secret that my memory ain't what it used to be. In fact, if it weren't for copious notes (and calendars and blog posts) I'm not sure I would remember my own address!
Memories and time are like Jekyll and Hyde - both nebulous and mysterious while at the same time, bold and shocking.
Memories and time - the aforementioned gets hazy as the latter marches forward with no regard for its distant alter-ego.
What brings this all to light?
As time has ticked by since the passing of our sweet Dutchie dog, the timing of it all has left me grappling over the final detail - when did we say our last goodbye?
Surely it was sometime in the early spring?? I could not pin down the date in my mind. My memory was too hazy.
Fast forward to summer - as I walked to the mailbox one bright, shiny day, I was met by a neighbor with the most bubbly and darling little dog - a Yorkshire Terrier. Damn, that little thing was so happy, he ran over to me and began to jump (all the way to my shin!) begging for a pat or two.
As I chatted with the owner, and retrieved my mail, the memories of my Dutchie began to quietly bubble up once again, and I felt the veil of sadness wash over me.
Yet, I walked back to my home with a smile on my face and lightness in my heart, thinking, "If we ever get another dog, I want one just like that." I walked into the house and mentioned the encounter to Sexy Hubby, to which he said, "We're not ready for another dog." I would have to agree. We weren't ready. Not yet.
Little did I know, that brief fortuitous encounter with the little Yorkie awakened something in me, and set the wheels in motion.
The exact date of our goodbye with our Dutchie dog continued to torture me. I become obsessed. I had to know the date. I yearned to know. So much so, I began the arduous task of digging through the mire of receipts.
After some digging, I discovered a daily calendar from 2011. I flipped through the months, and then I found this:
Our goodbye day was over one year ago.
It couldn't be.
Could it?
Yet, it began to make sense, as something inside - my internal clock - was ticking that perhaps the time has come.
Has time healed that painful wound of goodbye?
Were we ready to fill that space once again?
As I sit here, composing this blog post, I gaze upon the mantle and my eyes come to rest on a burgundy velvet drawstring bag, decorated with gold letters, "Until we meet again, over the Rainbow Bridge." Inside the bag is a decorated metal tin, filled with the ashes of our sweet Dutchie.
Through tear-filled eyes, I've come to realize he would want his space in our family to be filled.
Filled but never replaced.
After some soul-searching, and discussions with Sexy Hubby, it has been decided.
On December 15 - we will be adding to our family.
We will be adding him...
Meet Rocco Walters!
Even though I would have never believed it, time indeed does heal the wounds of pain.
Perhaps because with time we discover there is room in our hearts to love once again...
{Until December 15 arrives, I will be taking "New Puppy Orientation" classed to learn how to "raise" my newest son!}
(Originally posted at An Authentic Life.)
Mother of three, Katie Walters is the author of An Authentic Life , a member of BlogHer.com and is proudly invited to share weekly within the pages of Montana Parent Magazine's website.
