Less Than Stellar Moments in Parenting

March 05, 2015

Posted By: Shaunescy

Nobody sets out on the demanding journey of parenthood planning to have bad mommy or daddy moments. But – as with most things in life – stuff happens . . . and when it does, we usually beat ourselves up for it. I mean, the pressure to be a perfect parent these days is stifling. And we at Montana Parent know this firsthand because we’re the ones advising you on all the latest research and best practices, like avoiding GMOs, doing yoga with your children, turning off the TV, cooking only from scratch, getting baby’s spine adjusted, volunteering at the school, eating your placenta . . . Please! It’s exhausting – even for us.

We know, you didn’t really mean to whack your child’s head on the wall while you were carrying her upstairs, right?

It’s a narrow hallway. The best parenting advice we ever got was this: The more you try to be a perfect parent, the more anxious and less perfect you will be.

Let’s take a moment to find humor in our human fallibilities, mistakes and accidents; let’s give ourselves a break and admit that those less-than stellar parenting moments can happen to anyone. Anything sound familiar?

» Leaving the TV tuned into Showtime before you go to bed, giving your child an eyeful of Breaking Bad when he tries tuning in to Bubble Guppies in the morning.

» Pinching your baby’s flesh in the stupid car seat buckle and later denying any involvement to your spouse.

» Bringing a water bottle filled with “mommy juice” to the third performance in two days of a 4-hour school play.

» Totally ignoring your child’s pleas to stop kissing and hugging them until they want to punch you in the neck.

» Forgetting to completely buckle all kids in the car; realizing your mistake a few miles down the road when you see a smiling, standing 2-year-old in your rearview mirror.

» Giving in and buying stupid crap at the zoo/museum/ amusement park rather than putting that money in a college fund.

» Holding your child hostage in a vibrating seat when she is far too old, causing her to crawl around with a vibrating house on her back.

» Losing your kid, briefly. » Sending your child down a hill on either skis/a bike/a

sled with no real plan for what happens next.

» Texting while driving.

» Ironing your baby daughter’s dress while it’s on her body before her 1-year photo shoot.

» Burying your child’s special artwork at the bottom of the garbage bag so said child does not know you are throwing it away.

» Ignoring your crying child because: A.) you know he is faking it or B.) you can’t stand the sound of it anymore and, since all appendages are still attached and he’s not bleeding, he’ll live.

» Forgetting to pick them up, from anything. » Forgetting the Tooth Fairy was supposed to come, again.

» Forgetting the Elf of the Shelf was supposed to move, again.

» Forgetting to feed/water your child’s hamster/ lizard/whatever and it dies. You tell them it escaped.

» Forgetting to send the very special thank you card to Nana.

» Missing the memo on required attire for a play/ recital/concert.

» Throwing away a beloved shirt that’s way past its prime and telling your child she must have lost it.

» Stealing money from your child’s piggy bank to buy groceries.

» Telling them the ice rink/park/museum is closed because you’re too tired/lazy to go.

» Bribing your toddler with a Coke and a Snickers bar to keep them quiet on the plane.

» Pretending to listen to the day’s tween drama scene but really listening to the 5 o’clock news.

» Asking your kiddos to not lie exactly, but rather conveniently forget to tell dad that you got a speeding ticket.

» Instructing the children to look forlorn, distraught and underfed when you’re forced to go in and contest said speeding ticket.

» Pretending you don’t know the diaper is dirty so your spouse will take care of it. This could take a while, depending on the spouse.

» Stealing all of your favorite candy from their Halloween loot and Valentine’s Day box.

» Lying to them about the time so you can get back to your Orange is the New Black marathon.

» Commandeering all gift cards to Target and Barnes and Noble received at his birthday party

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