If I made tv commercials . . .

October 10, 2013

Posted By: Shaunescy

Totally a first-world problem here. Forgive me in advance. But, last night while watching a 'grown-up' show on Hulu after the kids went to bed, I couldn't seem to ignore the commercials like one usually does. There are the never-endingly long ads for anti depressants that feature 100% women and botox for migraines and acne medicine for adults and specialized eye drops for chronic dry-eye. They plead with you and give you terrifying warnings about bladder control issues, seizures and memory loss. Pick your poison, acne or incontinence? sheesh. Usually, hubs and I turn the sound off on those and take turns making up our own dialog. Which is actually pretty fun.

I suppose I should be pleased that their advertizing software has at least profiled my demographic fairly correctly. By that, I mean that I am thankful to not be bombarded by ads for shoot-em-up style video games or horror movies. But there is however, one particular ad that fits my demographic to a T and manages to completely irk me. I bet you know it.

It depicts a father with his perfectly groomed young daughter and son in the kitchen. Sunlight is streaming in the windows. They are making a surprise breakfast tray for mom. Charming right? That happy go-lucky jokester dad hands over the electric mixer to his daughter. Pancake batter flings around the kitchen. And sure, the mess would be worth it. Afterall, he's got the best darn paper towels in the world to help him clean it up!

So let's take a moment to deconstruct. Hubs and the kids have made me breakfast in bed. I find that much believable. But, they pretty much have to had risen well before the sun to pull it off. My daughter regularly wakes me a little before 6:00 AM by sitting on my head asking wonderfully sleep induced questions. Instead of being well groomed, they'd still be in jammies and have those awesome morning dreadlocks. And who the heck uses an electric mixer to make pancakes?

So here's what I am thinking. If you are not going to even attempt to create a suspension of disbelief, why not just go all out! Listen up paper towel marketing team, here is how you do it.

Keep the same scene; Dad, kids, 10:00 AM sunshine, fine--you can even keep the totally unnecessary electric mixer. But lets truncate that. Photo-montage it really quick. Let mom eat. That can be in the photo-montage, too. But then . . . and this is where you've got my attention, have the whole family enjoy clean-up time. They love it like Zoolander loves to pump gas with his friends. Put on some music, rock out in the kitchen. And make sure that with each swipe of the paper towel mom looks better and better. Her hair becomes more lustrous as she faultlessly dances with the family, nothing jiggles that shouldn't, teeth become whiter, yoga pants fit better. Throw in some chirping cartoon birds and if you have picked a catchy enough song, we will buy your paper towels the next time we go to the store.

You can ask us to believe the impossible, but not the improbable.


All my best, BunnyFufu ~ The Housewife

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