Elmer’s Glue, What Did I Ever Do To You?

August 04, 2017

Posted By: Shaunescy

Written by Leigh Ripley

Is it me, or does the Elmer’s glitter glue commercial promoting slime feel like an act of aggression, a downright declaration of war? My 9-year-old has 17 varieties of slime she’s cobbled together from YouTube videos, the Internet and friends’ “recipes.” And now her 11-year-old sister is on board too.

It started a few weeks ago, when I walked into my kitchen and found an explosion of slimy, sticky, glittery goo dripping from the kitchen island, clinging to the wall behind the sink and splattered across the floor. I lost it. They “cleaned” it up; and I found myself still cleaning it up days later.

I then relegated all slime activities to the kids’ bathroom and demanded a full scrub down after each incident. Laughable, right? I now try to avoid that bathroom at all costs, but I found myself up there and saw it: missing kitchen utensils and serving bowls with blue, pink, glittery concrete in the sink, on the floor, in the tub (how does that happen?). I lost it…again.

Then I saw the Elmer’s glitter glue slime commercial. Lord help me. Elmer’s Glue, what did I ever do to you? I’ve dutifully purchased your products for back-to-school lists every year!

My dish soap is gone, the cornstarch is gone and my neighbor has been hit up for contact solution twice in the last week. I tried to shave my legs and the shaving cream was empty. An entire box of baking soda has disappeared. Elmer’s is now costing me money… and giving me hairy legs.

I accepted Elmer’s declaration of war and then announced there would be no more slime in this house. And I was definitely not purchasing any more glitter glue. “If I see anyone making slime in the house again I will…. (Insert something to take away).”

Apparently they didn’t hear me. I went into the living room a day or two later to find the 11-year-old concocting more slime. I reminded her about my (obviously ineffective) warning to not make slime in my house and that we are wasting perfectly good household items. I was met with a blank stare. And then a response: “You said we were wasting all of YOUR perfectly good household supplies. This stuff is from grandma’s.”

Slime one. Mom zero. Look’s like Elmer’s is winning.

More from Montana Parent

Thank You to Our Sponsors