August 04, 2017
Posted By: Bunny Foo Foo
Written by Leigh Ripley
Is it me, or does the Elmer’s glitter glue commercial promoting slime feel like an act of aggression, a downright declaration of war? My 9-year-old has 17 varieties of slime she’s cobbled together from YouTube videos, the Internet and friends’ “recipes.” And now her 11-year-old sister is on board too.
It started a few weeks ago, when I walked into my kitchen and found an explosion of slimy, sticky, glittery goo dripping from the kitchen island, clinging to the wall behind the sink and splattered across the floor. I lost it. They “cleaned” it up; and I found myself still cleaning it up days later.
I then relegated all slime activities to the kids’ bathroom and demanded a full scrub down after each incident. Laughable, right? I now try to avoid that bathroom at all costs, but I found myself up there and saw it: missing kitchen utensils and serving bowls with blue, pink, glittery concrete in the sink, on the floor, in the tub (how does that happen?). I lost it…again.
Then I saw the Elmer’s glitter glue slime commercial. Lord help me. Elmer’s Glue, what did I ever do to you? I’ve dutifully purchased your products for back-to-school lists every year!
My dish soap is gone, the cornstarch is gone and my neighbor has been hit up for contact solution twice in the last week. I tried to shave my legs and the shaving cream was empty. An entire box of baking soda has disappeared. Elmer’s is now costing me money… and giving me hairy legs.
I accepted Elmer’s declaration of war and then announced there would be no more slime in this house. And I was definitely not purchasing any more glitter glue. “If I see anyone making slime in the house again I will…. (Insert something to take away).”
Apparently they didn’t hear me. I went into the living room a day or two later to find the 11-year-old concocting more slime. I reminded her about my (obviously ineffective) warning to not make slime in my house and that we are wasting perfectly good household items. I was met with a blank stare. And then a response: “You said we were wasting all of YOUR perfectly good household supplies. This stuff is from grandma’s.”
Slime one. Mom zero. Look’s like Elmer’s is winning.